My life now.

I glance down at my gamin.  hmmm....7:01's.  Feels like 6:10's.  What's going on?  I look up at the flagpole, Betsey Ross' masterpiece is lying, parallel to the pole.  The sun is out, it is sixty degrees.  Perfect running day.  My Brooks are new, my lulu just out of the store...even my new obsession, my sweatyband headband,  is kickass.  Why is this so hard? The bike group has passed me twice already, if they get me again in their new matching uniforms, I will take it personally.  The song on my shuffle is 128 bpm...beats per minute to the layman....why is this so hard?

I slow to a jog, take a deep breath and "move to the grass" to stop for a minute.  I look up at the blue skies and think...."when I'm finished I get to hang with my minis, we'll  grab lunch, go to the beach and just be us....when I'm done." My brain starts clicking.... "how many miles am I going to run?  how fast?  when can I hang with them? for how long?" I panic, think about the time ahead and break out into a sprint.  For the first time in a long time, I am running fast, not for a goal, not for a PR, but for more time....with my minis, the most important thing ever.  With every foot strike, I think how different each step I take today is different from a year ago.

A year ago, I was disappointed.  I wanted more from each run.  NOW, I appreciate each run, I love each run. I am grateful for the beginning, the middle and the end.  It doesn't matter how fast, or how far, in fact...I've pretty much given up my Garmin...for me now....it's about who's waiting at the end that matters.